So I can have my art show...woo
The lack of excitement is intended. He doesn't like how gestural my drawings are, the exact thing I love about them. So now I have change them to pass my show. I'm not sure if any of you understand how violating that feels. I would rather him tell me that I suck and am not ready for a show than tell me I have to completely change the style of my drawings. I'm not really sure where artistic license comes in here. I don't get the point of doing art by some set of stylistic rules. My drawings are proportional and descriptive. They are not overly abstract but painterly. Of course they have some areas that need to be fixed, but to have to smooth out every mark and blend every shadow? I don't even know how to draw like that. I feel like I'm accounting or something equally boring and mathematical.
Seriously, I would rather just be sucky than sloppy. I don't care about what art schools look for in a portfolio. I don't want to go to art school. I don't want to make art if I'm going to hate it. Everytime I look at one of the drawings right now I want to either throw up or scream really loudly.
I cried for a half an hour after the meeting and then made myself stop and went to dinner.
Carol took me to get Birthday Cake Remix from Coldstone. She knows me. No other ice cream would have enticed me. I just want to sleep. I want to forget I'm even supposed to have a show. I want to write my papers for my other classes for teachers that are fueling my passions instead of suffocating them. I want to take back this past night during which I didn't sleep so I could be told my work was "a start".
I just feel really angry. I don't like feeling angry. I don't like complaining posts that nobody wants to read. But I've got to let this out somehow, and I'm not sure that crying for the next week and being rude to everyone so they won't see me cry is a good option.
Oh grace...
And all will be well. and all will be well. and all manner of things will be well.
We're all yearning for something more.
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